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Warning: Contains Boys Love and vulgar language.

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Chapter 15: Chills


It didn’t matter how badly Cameron wanted to go straight home after school; his friends were damn determined to bring him along for a night of fun, even if it meant dragging him by his hair, kicking and screaming.

People were still clearing the hallway after the final bell when Cameron was practically cornered by the trio. The moment that sinister grin crossed Maxi’s lips was the same moment that Cameron knew that no matter what he did or said, he was stuck.

“Cam-Cam, admit it. It’s practically destiny,” Maxi persisted with the same sly grin. “You have a car, and, what a coincidence, we need a ride. It’s a sign that we’re supposed to chill together, right? Now wipe that frown off your face. We’re painting the town red tonight!”

While a ‘sign’ and ‘coincidence’ were two very different things, Cameron was still stuck driving his friends all over the place, stopping at random fast food restaurants, slowing down so that Maxi could shout things at people he claimed he knew, and then cackle with laughter when they gawked back at him.

At first, the afternoon annoyed him. Not so much being around people—he liked people—but nothing seemed as desirable than just going home, completely worn out and exhausted, and retreating from the world for the rest of the weekend. Instead, he was stuck with this. And nothing was all that desirable about listening to Maxi’s and Alison’s argument escalate to the point of competing with the CD he had on, while Elena sat in the back, calmly munching on french fries from a cardboard cup.

Some afternoon, Cameron thought miserably. The day’s events replayed in his head; his groan was drowned out by the arguing going on beside him and the KISS song blaring from the car’s speakers. Scratch that. Some fucking day.

It was only when the sky began to darken, the red sun snuggling in deep behind a thick blanket of tree’s on the horizon, and after Alison and Maxi had calmed down a bit and were now trying to engage everyone in some silly sing-along, that Cameron began to think, Maybe this isn’t so bad…

He hadn’t gotten why all three of them had forced him into joining them for the rest of the day when he hadn’t bothered to say a word all during third period and lunch break, even after all of their attempts to get him to open up and join in their conversations had failed. But as their evening calmed down and effortlessly shifted into a mellow mood, it occurred to him that perhaps the reason why they had forced him to come along was because of how he had behaved at lunch…

With that revelation, the evening became that much easier to bear. Cameron was nowhere near his upbeat self, but answering questions didn’t have that much of an awful strain like earlier. The day’s events—and the day before, he wearily noted—still resided in the back of his head, but while in the company of his loud friends, he was almost tempted to call the evening a vacation. Sure, his problems still existed, there was no doubt about that, but being with them…it was as if he were temporarily detached from it. He was in a whole other world with them; his heartbreak was suspended in a momentary pause.

Around mid-night, they put an end to the evening out at Alison’s place. Cameron had only been there one other time, the same day he had met the azure-haired girl while he had been randomly exploring the town during the summer. Despite how small her house was, almost to the point of it almost being cramped, it was fairly cozy. Everything felt close together. It was one of those homes that Cameron figured didn’t spare any thought towards luxury privacy.

After taking a quick look around and reacquainting himself with Alison’s house, he excused himself and called home. His father picked up on the other line, and as expected, sounded calm and only mock-stern that Cameron had chosen to call at mid-night instead at a more appropriate time.

“Call earlier next time, all right?” his father teased calmly on the other end. Cameron couldn’t help but smile, a tad envious at how tranquil his father was with everything. He wondered whether that gene had gotten lost, or mistranslated, on his end of the gene pool.

“Yeah, sorry,” he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. “We lost track of time.”

“That happens; boys will be boys. At least you called, that’s better than nothing.”

After a few more exchange of words and details, his father told him to have a good night, then they both hung up. Cameron paused before finally settling the phone back into the cradle that hung securely on the wall, suddenly feeling a little too worn out and empty. He walked back into the living room where everyone else sat, sprawled out over the floor. Alison was already lighting up a cigarette, and Elena already beginning to blink heavily from fatigue.

“Call your dad?” Alison spoke around her cigarette; a few thin wafts of smoke spilled from between her thin lips as she did so. Cameron nodded, yawning behind his hand. Alison smiled and nodded in acknowledgement while Maxi boisterously began his epic quest to find the TV remote.

Cameron collapsed on the couch that smelt of cigarette smoke and something else and within minutes was out like a light.


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Cameron woke up, still drained, his entire body aching from the awkward sleeping position he’d assumed during the night. He slowly rose up and stretched his arms high above his head, his bones and joints cracking. After a few more blinks to clear the sleepiness away, he spotted Elena still curled up in the armchair she had slept in, tediously braiding her hair. Cameron’s gaze fell to the carpetted floor, where Maxi and Alison lay, sprawled out and fast asleep, looking nowhere near ready to wake up. Yawning, Cameron glanced at the clock on the TV’s VCR. It was nearly afternoon. He looked over at a bored looking Elena. “Want a lift home?”

Elena looked up, and with one last glance at the two sleeping on the floor, nodded.

After an awkward “hello” and “good-bye” to a tired, bemused looking woman who sat, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper in the kitchen, Cameron and Elena got into his car. They shoved aside some of the garbage and remnants from the night before, and began their drive home. Although both of them were too tired to talk anyway, the silence between them was a comfortable, natural state. Elena wasn’t really much of a talker, which he didn’t mind. He didn’t feel like forcing any conversation, anyway.

After he had parked his car in his dad’s garage, Cameron mumbled a drowsy good-bye to Elena, who nodded back before trudging off next door to her house. After stifling a yawn, Cameron did the same.

“Afternoon, Cameron,” his dad greeted not even a second after he’d gotten through the front door. Cameron mumbled something like a response and began his long trek up the stairs. Dear God, did they need that many stairs? His legs were killing him…

“There’s some homemade pancakes if you want some,” his dad called from the base of the stairs. “Made them fresh this morning. I think Cheryl even snuck some chocolate chips into a few of them, if you’d rather those.”

“Later,” Cameron called down, half-yawning in the process. Before anything else could be said to establish any small talk, Cameron retreated to the personal haven that was his room. Normally, the dark coloured blinds would’ve been a hindrance, as his messy floor was already hard to navigate through with a light turned on, but Cameron was too tired to care. After stumbling over the mess that was his floor a few times, he collapsed on top of his bed. He buried his face into a nearby pillow, and allowed his consciousness to drift in and out like the tide for the rest of the day.

It was five AM, Sunday, when Cameron pulled himself up from his comfy pillows and blankets. He blinked warily at the alarm clock on his nightstand.

“Wow. My sleeping schedule is fucked up for the rest of the week now,” he mumbled to himself, to which his mind bitterly quipped, But what isn’t these days?

No! Enough of this. No more angst or sleeping for today, Cameron mentally scolded. He was already beginning to feel ashamed for letting himself slip back into the same mindset that had kept him down in the dumps for the past few days. I need to do something constructive, to take my mind off of…things.

Cameron glanced down at his clothes, which was the school uniform he had worn on Friday, aside from the wrinkles it had garnered over the weekend. And were those grease stains from French fries…? Ugh. Perfect, that’s just…wait. To his disgust, he could even smell the smoke from Alison’s cigarette’s on him, too. He made a face, got up, and went to his dresser to grab some pajamas. “Shower first.”


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Despite his conviction to do something “constructive”—unless a person considered it constructive to lay around the house and watch Batman movies all day—it was hard to gather enough will and energy to really get up and do anything. It took a lot out of him to even just pay attention to the dark anti-hero on the screen while he threatened another low-life into a double-standard compromise.

Right when the caped-crusader had cornered another dirt-bag villain, the heavy thudding of someone walking behind him caught Cameron’s curiosity. He looked over the top of the armchair he sat in, where he caught the sight of Cheryl bent down on one knee, hair completely covering her face while she tied up the laces of a shoe.

“Going somewhere?” Cameron inquired, one eyebrow rising as his curiosity was peaked.

Cheryl mumbled something, her disheveled hair blocking her voice. She swept it out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. “Yeah. Girls night out. Going to do some shopping with some friends,” she repeated just as she finished tying up her shoes.

Cameron’s eyebrows knit themselves together as he tried to imagine Cheryl doing something like shopping. When he eyed her neatly done make-up, the few bracelets on her wrists, and even the fancy earrings she wore, he knew that she wasn’t making that up. Cheryl only got dressed when she was going out on big outings. “Something about you and a ‘girls night out’ doesn’t sound quite right,” he mused aloud, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

Cheryl’s smile was borderline smirk. She stood up properly, one hand on her hip, and said in a teasing huff, “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’d make more sense if it were you instead, wouldn’t it?”

Cameron stuck his tongue out at her. “Lame,” he criticized. Cheryl made a face back at him, then went back to the occupying task of getting ready. Cameron continued to hang over the chair and watch her pace all about, getting ready as quickly as she could. The loud blare of a car horn from outside ceased Cheryl’s hurried pacing. She rushed to the front door, then stopped. She looked at Cameron over her shoulder, one eyebrow perfectly arched as she eyed him sternly.

“Don’t burn the house down while I’m gone.”

“Don’t worry. Your precious house will be just fine. I’ll even make sure it’s well fed and goes to bed at a decent hour, too,” Cameron said with a snort. He slid back down into the armchair and settled himself into a comfortable position. “See you later.”

Cheryl just mumbled a good-bye, too rushed to bother with their usual banter for once. The front door slammed shut behind her as she raced outside to meet up with her friends. A low roar of the car engine fading away was all the proof Cameron needed to know that she was long gone now.

He sighed and relaxed in his chair. He was completely alone now, since Cheryl was gone for the night, and his father was working the night shift. Completely alone…and completely bored out of his mind. Even when the commercials were over for the next ten minutes, and some bat-shit insane TV show came back on, he was still bored. With another sigh, he let his head hit the back of his armchair. Last he had checked, it was only eight PM, and the world outside of his living room was only beginning to grow dark. Soon the streetlamps would flicker on, kids would be tucked into bed, boogiemen would be checked for, and pleasant dreams would be dreamt. Time still moved, and the world still turned.

It was just too bad that time liked to drag in Cameron’s living room.

Cameron stared up at the blank, white ceiling.

I wonder how Elliot’s weekend is going…

His hand abruptly gripped the arm of the chair, clutching it fiercely. Despite everything that had happened—the anger, the hurt, the betrayal, the honesty—he still wanted to see Elliot…Even now, he was wondering what Elliot was doing. Was he happy? Or was he just sitting around and thinking about everything, too?

…Was Elliot thinking about him?

Cameron jolted from his thoughts when the telephone went off, its shrill ring demanding immediate attention. Cameron hoisted himself up and out of the chair, his gaze instantly darting to the kitchen where the ring resided. Who’s calling? Maybe Cheryl forgot something.

Or…maybe…

Cameron’s breath hitched in his throat. Maybe…but why would he call? Was he really thinking of me? Shit! What do I say? No, relax. Breathe. Answer the damn phone first before he gives up!

Cameron dashed into the kitchen, where the nearest phone sat on the counter. He yanked it from it’s charger on its forth ring, nearly tripping and banging his elbow off the counter in the process. Quickly clearing his throat, Cameron stammered out, “H-Hello?”

“Cam-cam! Buddy! S’up?”

“…Oh…” It’s only Maxi. Cameron’s nerves curled up into a fetal position, his mind still reeling from the sudden adrenaline rush. He let out an audible sigh when it finally sank in that it was a false alarm. “Hey, Maxi. Nothing much.”

“Cool, cool. I’m stuck at Alison’s. Crazy girl is dying some of her hair black now. Something about being bored with just blue, I dunno. Anyway, I got bored, so I started calling every single number on her cell phone.” Maxi let out a sinister-sounding laugh on the other end. “Lucky you; you’re number three on her list.”

Cameron rubbed the back of his neck, still digesting that it was Maxi that had called, and not a certain other boy. “Um, okay…you’re still at Alison’s?”

“Yeah. I forgot my house key somewhere, so I can’t get in. Actually, I think I lost it somewhere. Anyway, no one's home, and won’t be until late tonight, so I’m literally stuck.”

“Bummer,” Cameron said. The other end of the phone crackled a bit. He could hear Alison’s voice faintly in the static background, as well as Maxi responding to her. Something about hair dye and earrings…? Cameron tuned it out and wondered what Elliot was doing at that very moment.

“Hey, sorry ‘bout that. Alison’s surprisingly anal about ruining stuff. Who’d have thought?” Maxi laughed on the other end, followed by a sharp yelp of pain when something heavy sounding smacked against him. “Ow! That actually hurt, you know! Bitch…anyway, so…hello? You still there?”

Cameron continued to rub the back of his neck, the friction warm and tickling against his skin. “Yeah, sure.”

“You okay? You sound dead.”

“I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“Oh yeah? What abou—” A long beep cut Maxi’s sentence off. Both ends of the line went quiet. Cameron held the phone away and checked the amount of battery it had left. It looked fine, fully charged and everything. Cameron pressed the earpiece back to his ear. “Did you hear me?” Maxi asked on the other end, sounding just as confused.

“Not the last bit…the batteries are fine on my end.”

“So is Alison’s. Huh. Weird. I checked to see if anyone was trying to call us, but I got nothing,” Maxi hummed. “Maybe it’s on your end?”

“Maybe,” Cameron agreed, rapping his fingers against the plastic phone. Only one name came to mind, but he doubted that he’d really call…what were the odds?

“Hmm. Well, I gotta get going. You know, people to call, Alison to laugh at. The finer things in life. I’ll see you later. Unless you wanna drop by later? Come chill for a bit?”

Cameron allowed himself a tiny, gracious smile. “Thanks, but I’m still a little worn out from the last time I hung out with you. Some other time.”

Maxi huffed, no doubt smiling sinisterly on the other end, already scheming to change his mind. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. Later.” Cameron pressed the ‘end talk’ button, and set the phone down on its charger. He’d only taken a few steps towards the living room when the ring of the phone interrupted his plan. He walked over and answered the insistent phone. “Hello?”

“Super sure?” the devious voice cackled on the other end.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Cameron said with a light laugh. “Good bye now.” He hung up once again, thinking that that was the end of it. Not even a minute passed, and the phone rang again, its ring beginning to sound too much like a scheming shriek than anything else. Cameron took one look at the caller ID and frowned. “Maxi, stop calling,” he groaned after picking up. The devious voice on the other end laughed.

“I’ve just stolen a few seconds from your life—a few seconds that you’re never getting back,” Maxi teased on the other end.

Cameron hung up for what was, hopefully, the last time. He waited a whole minute for another pointless phone call, but the phone sat quietly, just like any other inanimate object in the house. Hoping that he was now home free, Cameron left the kitchen and went back into the living room. This time, he had only just sat down when the phone began to ring again.

“Oh for the love of God…” Cameron grumbled under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn’t doubt that Maxi was calling again, eager to annoy the living hell out of him. Cameron considered just ignoring the phone, but on the slight chance that it wasn’t Maxi, he forced himself back up with another grumble and went back into the kitchen. He yanked the phone out of its charger a little too roughly, mashed the ‘talk’ button, and snapped, “Maxi, stop calling. This isn’t funny anymore. Don’t you have anything better to do?”

The other end was dead quiet but for the fuzzy sound of static. Then a guarded voice said, “Maxi’s calling you?”

Cameron froze, the colour quickly draining from his face. “…Who’s this?”

There was another pause, then the familiar voice answered, “…Elliot.”

Cameron bit the knuckles of his fist to keep from any sound—whether it was happy or fearful—from shooting out of him. Gah! What do I do?! “H-Hey! Sorry ‘bout that. Maxi was repeatedly calling me, and I didn’t check the caller ID, so…yeah. Whoops?”

“Heh. Sounds like him,” Elliot snorted cynically on the other end, no doubt rolling his eyes.

Cameron rubbed the back of his neck, the few seconds between each second nearly suffocating. C’mon, he had to say something! “How’s your weekend going?”

“It’s okay. Been catching up on a lot of work, though. I kinda fell back a bit.”

“Same here,” Cameron laughed nervously. “Well, not the catching up bit. I kinda slept my weekend away.”

“Yeah?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Oh. Cool…” Elliot agreed after a moment, his voice trailing at the end.

Another punctuating silence fell right into place after the last word was said. Cameron racked his brain for something—anything—to say, and came up with nothing. Well, nothing that wouldn’t push the conversation down any awkward roads. Stupid phones, Cameron mentally cursed. Easier communication, my ass!

There was an audible sigh on the other end. Cameron began to panic. Was Elliot getting bored? Did he regret calling? Before such fears could manifest themselves into something worse, Elliot interrupted the train of thought and said, “Are you busy tonight?”

Cameron swallowed, hesitated, then answered, “No. Why?”

“I was thinking of going out for a walk, since it’s pretty nice out,” Elliot explained. There was another pause before he added in a more muted voice, “Would you want to come along?”

It seemed as though the very air in his throat caught and was holding his answer hostage. Cameron wet his dry lips as he tried to make sense of the rapid streams of thought in his head. Could he go? There was no doubt that he could…but should he was another question altogether.

On the one hand, Elliot had given him so much grief, but on another, less logical hand, he wanted to see Elliot so badly…

“Cameron? Did you hear me?”

“Sure,” Cameron replied, aware that the optimism in his voice sounded empty. He swallowed a large lump that was still developing at the base of his throat. “When and where?”

“Any time is good. As for a place…how about Oaker Road? Then we can just take it from there.”

The freckled boy nodded, but knew that Elliot couldn’t see, so he quickly answered with, “Awesome. I’ll see you in about ten minutes?”

“Sure,” Elliot agreed. “See ya.”

Cameron pulled the phone away from his ear, clicked ‘end talk’, then sat the phone back into the plastic charger on the counter for the last time that evening. He let out a long exhale as the situation collapsed into realization, then leaned back against the counter, his fingers curling underneath the edge and squeezing it. He feverishly sought to sort out the thoughts and feelings rampaging inside, all of which were incredibly conflicted. He bowed his head, allowing his loose hair to fall over his paled face, and closed his eyes.

I hope I did the right thing in accepting. He couldn’t imagine denying Elliot any company for a walk, but he also couldn’t imagine what could happen on said walk. It was a free-for-all coin toss in the air, and the coin was still spinning.

When Cameron opened his eyes, his eyes met the sight of his pajamas and bare feet.

“Maybe I should go change first…”


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In the end, he didn’t bother to change his clothes. He didn’t know what to wear and, while lost in a temporary moment of panic when he realized that he was going to be late, had just opted to go as he was. It wasn’t as if he stood out all that much as he walked down the street, anyways. What was there to be eye-catching about pair of flannel pajama pants and a faded black t-shirt?

Still, he couldn’t help but think that maybe he should have brought a jacket along. The night air was still, not a single wisp of wind to be felt, but that didn’t mean that the air wasn’t already brisk all on its own. Cameron could already feel the tiny hills of goose bumps rising all along his skin in protest of the cold. However, it was too late to turn back, so Cameron kept on walking, cutting across a nearly empty street just as the streetlights began to flash to life.

It didn’t take long before Cameron reached his destination. Oaker Road was your average road: clean cut, family-orientated, and all that wholesome goodness. Not a single blade of grass looked out of place, and that alone gave Cameron the impression that he was entering a movie set for some gruesome, slasher film. As far as he could tell, he probably wouldn’t ever get used to how together this town looked. It didn’t seem…natural.

Cameron rubbed his bare arms and breathed out a small cloud of cold air. It sure was getting darker earlier everyday…he wondered if this town was north enough to get snow. He looked up at the dark, navy blue sky. Only a few twinkling stars winked down at him, with very few clouds in the sky to hide them.

When Cameron looked back down, he spotted a dark figure strolling down the other end of the street. He knew it was Elliot long before the other boy was close enough for the streetlights to illuminate his figure, but even with knowing, seeing the other boy draw nearer and nearer didn’t tame the wild butterflies in his chest.

Cameron stopped underneath a streetlight, where the cloud of air he breathed came out as a gold-tinged fog. He grinned once the other boy was close enough to see and hear him. “You lied,” Cameron teased. “You said it was nice out.”

“It is if you dress properly,” Elliot scolded lightly, his tone lacking the conviction to sound sincerely stern. He took in Cameron’s shivering appearance and shook his head. “You look like you’re freezing.”

“Say’s Mr. Jeans-and-hoody,” Cameron replied, once again laughing despite his shaken nerves and chilly body. “I’m fine. I’m just more used to warm weather. Give me a minute to adapt.”

Elliot nodded, but he fretfully eyed Cameron’s shivering form. Cameron noticed, and pulled away from the streetlight post, using the movement to try and make his shivering less noticeable. “Okay! So how about that walk?”

“Don’t you want to go back and grab something warmer?” Elliot inquired with one eyebrow raised. Cameron shrugged the question off and began walking on ahead. Elliot gracefully caught up until he was walking right beside Cameron, his hands buried in the front pocket of his dark brown hoody. They hadn’t walked far before Elliot was eyeing Cameron’s hardly subtle shivering. With another shake of his head, he asked, “We could always turn back so that you can grab a jacket, you know. I don’t mind.”

“I’m good.” It took all of Cameron’s strength to keep his voice from stuttering, and his teeth from chattering. He clenched his jaw and tried to focus on something else—something other than the cold that nibbled ravenously at his exposed flesh.

Elliot said nothing. They aimlessly turned onto a random street—that, no surprise, looked too much like the other streets—and continued on. Elliot finally sighed heavily with exasperation, and made to pull off his hoody. Cameron caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and put his hand on Elliot’s arm, his eyes wide.

“What’re you doing?” he asked in a flustered rush.

Elliot looked at Cameron with a stern determination. “What does it look like? I’m going to keep you from freezing to death.” Cameron frowned, and made to protest, but Elliot beat him to the chase and said, “Look, you said it yourself. You’re used to warmer climates. I grew up here, so this is nothing to me.” With that said, he pulled the bottom of his hoody up and over his body, yanking it off. His shirt clung a little from the slight static, and while Elliot shook his now disheveled hair out of his eyes, Cameron was given a good eye-full of Elliot’s bare stomach.

Holy…! Cameron quickly diverted his eyes, embarrassed and eternally thankful that it was dark enough outside to hide the blush reddening his cheeks—even if at least half of it was just from the cold.

Elliot handed Cameron the hoody, and after a split-second debate in his head, gave in and accepted the hoody with a small thank you. It was practically woven heat the moment Cameron held it in his hands, and when he slid it over and pulled it on, it encased him in a heat much like being surrounded by a cozy cabin fire.

“Better?” Elliot asked while pulling the bottom of his shirt back down—while looking non too self-conscious about it, Cameron noted—and sliding his hands into his jean pockets. Cameron nodded, still awed by the stark-difference between wearing and not wearing the hoody; his arms didn’t feel like they were going to fall off at any given moment anymore. Elliot nodded, and they continued walking.

Cameron toyed around with the hem of the long sleeves, eyes fixed on the ground, feet none-too-nimbly avoiding any large cracks they encountered. It even fits, Cameron thought, thankful for the warm hoody, but also regretful for subjecting Elliot to the night’s chilly air. Stupid Elliot. He acts all impulsive, but he goes around and does things like this? It’s enough to drive a person insane!

“Is there something on your mind?”

Cameron glanced over at Elliot, smiled habitually, and shook his head. “Not really. Why?”

“You’re being really quiet. You were really off on Friday, too, as well as Thursday.”

Cameron shrugged. “Off week, I guess,” he said casually with a quick click of his tongue against the inside of his mouth. He could feel Elliot’s eyes burning into him, as well as where all of these questions were originating from. Can we please just leave it at that? I don’t want to think about any of this anymore.

When they walked under another streetlamp, Cameron spotted a children’s playground just across the road and a few houses away. He froze right in mid-step and gawked. Even with only the streetlight’s dim golden glow and the moon’s shy light, Cameron could already make-out the twisting slide, rows of swings, several teeter-totters’s, and even a colourful jungle-gym of sorts. “What? We have a playground?!” Cameron exclaimed, his jaw dropping.

Elliot looked up ahead towards the playground and nodded.

Cameron shot him a look of disbelief. “Why wasn’t I informed?”

“Haven’t you been down these streets before?”

“Yeah. Maybe…probably.” Cameron waved his hand in dismissal. “Fine, so I’m bad at geography. All these streets look the same to me. I only know my way around some of them because I use them everyday; but that doesn’t matter. The point is that we have a playground!”

A strange look overtook Elliot’s expression. He scratched his head, trying to reason out what exactly Cameron was so excited about. With a dumbfounded look, he said, “…and?”

“And I see a crazy slide with my name on it,” Cameron responded immediately. Without warning, he darted across the road, and upon reaching the other side, turned around and called out, “C’mon! Don’t just stand there.”

Elliot was still giving Cameron a strange, incomprehensible look—a look that sent foreboding shivers tickling across the back of his neck. Or perhaps that was just the chilly air? Either way, after a few more encouraging calls, Elliot finally crossed the street at his own pace.

“You’re crazy,” Elliot said as he followed Cameron to the playground. He watched Cameron climb up on a steel-gray, spiraling slide. Cameron leaned over the sidebar and stared back down at Elliot.

“As if that’s the first time I’ve heard that one,” Cameron snorted. He looked out over the slide, studying it’s thin and curvy frame, and frowned. “As dumb as this will probably sound, I think my ass might be too big for this one.”

“No, really? And I just thought you were big in general.”

Cameron shot a look at Elliot and pointed an accusing finger down at the other boy. “Okay, just for that snarky comment, I’m going down anyway.”

“You’re going to get stuck,” Elliot quipped, crossing his arms as he did so.

Cameron shook his head. “Just watch.” He took one look down, trying imagine going down the conventional way. Deciding it would be safer to go down differently, he aligned himself properly at the top, and got down on his stomach, then pushed himself down the slide face first. A few twists down—so far, so good—and the next thing he knew, he was stuck, right before the end.

“Crap,” Cameron grumbled, grimacing as the slide squeezed his sides. “Stupid slide.” He looked up just as Elliot gracefully stalked round the slide with a smug I-told-you-so look. “Don’t say it,” Cameron quickly interjected. He placed both hands firmly on the rocky ground and pushed up onto his knees. Cameron grimaced down at himself while rubbing his sides. “Ugh, I’m going to feel that tomorrow…” When he looked up, Elliot was wearing that strange look again. Crap, here it comes. When will this end? “And you’re looking at me like that because…?”

“Because you’re acting off again,” Elliot said, and while Cameron was sure it was supposed to sound blunt—as impersonal as stating a well-known fact—it sounded far too apprehensive for any such aloofness.

Cameron swallowed. He felt almost exposed, what with him sitting on the end of a kid’s slide with Elliot staring down at him with unreadable eyes. He took a steadying breath. “Okay.”

“‘Okay’?” Elliot repeated dubiously.

“Okay, sure, yeah, all right,” Cameron said stiffly while looking down at the shining metal of the slide. He knew what was coming—he finally understood what that look had been all along. All of this was a build-up, and there was no preventing the next part.

Not this again…I can’t stand this. Can’t we just forget, and move on already? Cameron thought. While Elliot’s hoody kept him from the night chills, they couldn’t protect him from the inner tremors that all originated from a certain, ugly feeling that was beginning to overwhelm him. He wanted to pause the moment, rewind, and prevent any such confrontation from happening. But he couldn’t, and he didn’t know what to do. He was cornered. Cornered and scared.

When he stared back into those intense, expecting eyes, Cameron snapped, “Well, what do you want me to say?”

The rocks crunched underneath Elliot as he stepped close enough for Cameron to feel his confident, dominating presence overshadow him. Cameron looked away, his jaw clenching. Elliot waited a moment, as if making sure Cameron was listening. He said in the same unyielding voice, “I want you to tell me what it is you’re fighting so hard to hide.”

“Well, fuck!” Cameron exploded, looking up and into the other boy’s eyes with uncensored disbelief. “What am I supposed to say to that?” He hastily got up and off the slide, tripping a little from his shaken nerves. He was already pacing about the playground, instinctively moving away from Elliot; movement, movement, movement. Elliot remained quiet, and that only further fanned the heat of Cameron’s anger.

Fed-up, Cameron threw his arms up into the air. “Well, what do you want me to say? You keep pushing this. Always pushing, pushing, pushing! Do you want me to rant and rave about how much of an asshole you are, and how you’re a complete jerk for what you did? Do you want me to tell you I can’t think about anything else but all of this, and how I’m minutes away from losing my fucking mind?" He stopped, panting a little, the very core of being incredibly shaken. But he wasn't done yet. Before he could stop himself, he was already swinging his arms around, pacing around in a directionless path. He was already talking again, and he didn't know how to stop himself. "Or did you want me to tell you everything is A-okay, and that you’re a paranoid idiot if you think anything else? Well, sorry to disillusion you, but it’s all of the fucking above! So can you just shut up and stop bringing it up already? Why can’t you just stop? Do you want to see me get mad? Well, Here you go, congratulations! Are you happy now?!”

Right after the last word left his mouth, the heat of his anger still crackling in the air, Cameron stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth hanging open. He stared at Elliot, his own words exploding in echoes in his head.

Oh, no.

He back peddled until his legs hit a the hard black rubber of a swing, where he collapsed, his hands gripping the ice-cold metal chains fiercely, and a sea of nausea crashing in his stomach as his own outburst hit him at full-swing.

I can’t believe I just said all of that! I’m such an asshole! He’ll never want to speak to me again; not after I said all of that. Goddamnit! I blew it! I royally blew it!

He gradually became aware of Elliot walking again. His heart lurched in his chest—was Elliot going home? This was the last straw, wasn’t it?

Oh, nice going! He mentally cursed to himself. He's going to hate you forever and never want to speak to you!

The chain handles of the swing beside him clinked from movement; from Elliot sitting down. Cameron swallowed a dry lump in his throat when, out of the corner of his eye, he caught some more movement, drawing closer. Cameron flinched, his shoulders hunching as some meager form of protection…

…Then he felt a light flick from Elliot's finger across his forehead. Stunned, Cameron looked over at the other boy, and was surprised to see that the other boy didn’t look like he was going to go ‘the incredible hulk’ on him. Cameron stared back at Elliot, too startled to do much else. And then words were already bubbling in his throat; he could hardly contain himself.

“Elliot, I-I’m sorr—”

“Don’t even start,” Elliot interrupted. “There’s no need to apologize. You only said the truth. I just wish you’d have said all of this earlier.”

Cameron blinked, his eyebrows slowly furrowing together in a perplexed frown. “Why?”

“It was obviously eating you up from the inside,” Elliot said. “I didn’t really see at first. I wasn’t sure how exactly to make of how you were reacting. I didn't know what to do, either. ” Elliot crossed his legs underneath him and began to rock slowly to and fro, the swing creaking faintly from the movement.

Cameron gazed at Elliot, completely dumbfounded and at a loss for words. “I don't get it,” he murmured. "Are you saying that you wanted me to get mad?”

“Getting mad is much better than holding it in and going all crazy on me. I honestly expected you to freak out at me when I told you what had happened, not bounce around, all happy-go-lucky for a few days. Seriously, what was that?”

Cameron shrugged, and by a force of habit, smiled. “I dunno. I just kinda went with it.”

Elliot snorted. “I’ll say. You should have just gotten mad right then and there. Yelled my ear off or something. Hell, a punch would have probably been justified, too.”

“Or maybe a round-house kick,” Cameron blurted despite himself and the already peculiar soberness that hung in the air. He had to purse his lips together to keep from letting out an anxious laugh at Elliot’s grimace at the suggestion.

“Sure. Why not? Better than nothing,” Elliot said stiffly, his nose crinkling up a bit.

Cameron calmed down. “Yeah,” he mumbled, knowing deep down that he could never do such a thing. His hands tightened around the cool metal of the chains at the thought of ever actually exploding at anyone like he’d just done. He thought of all the times he’d seen and heard Cheryl and Christine shout at each other, or when his parents argued...

The thought made him sick to his stomach.

They settled into a near-complete silence, aside from the creaking of Elliot’s swing rocking back and forth, as well as the patient chorus of crickets that hid among the patches of tall grass. Cameron’s eyes sought for the moon, and found it hiding shyly behind a thick, fluffy cloud.

“I know that this is probably the last thing that you want to talk about,” Elliot began a minute later, “but we need some sort of closure on this. Or else we won’t be able to move on.”

Cameron’s body prickled at the implication, but he released a long, slow exhale of air, allowing as much tension to slide off his muscles as possible. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

Elliot cleared his throat, and his feet stopped pushing against the rocky ground, although his swing still moved a little, even when he turned in his seat to face Cameron full-on. “First off,” he started, startling Cameron with how he’d just jumped right into the dreaded topic without hesitation, “I want to say that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I told you because I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else, and, well, I felt obligated to. I think you had a right to know. I didn’t tell you to deliberately hurt you. I told you because I needed to.”

Cameron nodded, his eyes downcast. He studied the different shapes and colours of the rocks underneath his green converse. “I figured,” he spoke thickly, his voice nearly failing him. He still felt much too sick for another fiery outburst. No matter how much he wanted to avoid this, he just couldn’t anymore.

Elliot paused, taking in Cameron’s current behavior, then added, “Anything you say or do at this point is pretty much justified. I’m not going to hold it against you if you get mad, okay?”

Cameron’s sheepish smile returned, albeit much weaker as another wave of nausea rolled inside at the very base of his stomach. “Maybe. But I wouldn’t count on another freak-out coming from me for a long, long time. I’ve never been good at expressing anger.”

Elliot arched an eyebrow. “Never?” he repeated incredulously. Cameron shrugged his shoulders, but nodded.

“I can’t remember the last time I’ve ever yelled at anyone for anything…er, except for now, I guess.” Cameron paused as he racked his brain for any such memory. Nothing came up. “Actually, now that I think of it,…I can’t remember the last time anyone has ever made me this mad.”

Elliot said nothing. His hands slipped away from the metal chain handles of the swing as he watched with Cameron intensely. Too aware of the other’s incomprehensible silence, Cameron began to laugh a little. “Wow. That sounded really stupid,” he mumbled. “Anyway, forget about it. It’s nothing new, so it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Too bad,” Elliot said with a snort, unaffected by Cameron’s abrupt look of puzzlement. “If it has something to do with me, then I concern myself with it. So, like it or not, I’m not about to just sweep all of this underneath the rug. I learned my lesson the first time around, thank you very much.”

“But…it’s really nothing to worry about,” Cameron protested. “I mean, I hardly ever get mad. It’s just not something I do. Nothing about it feels good or right, so why feel it at all? I mean, you saw it just now, right? After I got all of that out, I freaked out!" Cameron said through a trembling voice, desperate for Elliot to understand. Couldn’t the other boy see that he wanted them both to just sweep this underneath a rug somewhere? “These ugly thoughts and feelings," Cameron mumbled, "it’s just not me.”

Elliot stared at Cameron for another moment, once again assuming a concerned look. “Maybe,” he finally said, sounding thoughtful and serious. “Or maybe it’s just a side of you that you don’t want to acknowledge.”

Cameron stiffened, shivers slithering underneath his very skin at the very notion. “That’s a pleasant thought,” Cameron muttered darkly, hoping with all of his might that Elliot was wrong.

Elliot shrugged. “Or maybe not. I don’t know. It’s more The President’s thing to figure another person out than mine.”

Cameron forced himself to finally look over at the other boy, eyes wide with fearful curiosity. He couldn’t believe that he was really having this conversation with him, but what was more, he couldn’t believe that Elliot was really still sitting there, listening. “Doesn’t any of this…disgust you?” he asked weakly.

Elliot looked back at Cameron, one eyebrow arched inquiringly. “Does what disgust me?”

Cameron grimaced. After a slight hesitation, he gestured towards himself. “The things I just said.” How could Elliot not be disgusted by the jealousy, the anger, the mask he’d used—and was still using—to keep all of it tucked away. But, to Cameron’s shock, Elliot just shook his head. Cameron frowned. “But how could you not?” he stressed. “Why not?”

“Remember that day when we sat in your car at the gas station? I was angry. Were you disgusted with me then?” Elliot explained, a slow smile crossing his features as Cameron slowly shook his head. “I don’t know what it is with you and anger, but whatever it is, I think you need to rethink it. You make anger sound like some monster that is out to get you.”

Cameron bit his tongue before he blurt out, “But isn’t it?” He turned his head away and fixed his gaze on the rocky ground. He’d never thought of it that way before (but he didn't like to think about it at all). Those clicked and linked with something somewhere in his head. He could almost hear his mother’s voice in his head, a diatant memory whispering: C'mon dear, turn that frown upside down. No one likes a mean-old grumpy-face.

His eyes began to sting as everything caught up and overwhelmed him; he pursed his lips together and inhaled deeply. Calm down, he repeated from the well-learned script in his head. Calm down.

There was some more movement from beside him—a faint rustling, clanging of metal, shifting clacks of rocks—and then a warm hand covered his, fingers pressing into the crevices between Cameron’s fingers. Cameron gave a light jump and glanced over at Elliot, who had leaned over and was now mere millemeter’s away, his eyes boring into his. Cameron wanted to look away; he wanted to wipe the frown off his own face, push the stinging out of his eyes and nose, and forget that the previous conversation ever happened. But he couldn’t. Just like he couldn’t look away. There was something that kept him sitting there, and it scared him.

“I don’t understand,” Cameron breathed. “How can you still be sitting there, after all I said?”

“Shouldn’t that be my line?” Elliot said with a shake of his head. “Stop beating yourself up over something I did.” His hand squeezed Cameron’s, and his gaze drifted off, as if he’d entered a long train of private thought. Cameron studied Elliot’s expression, and realized that after a good couple of months of knowing him, he’d never seen the other boy look as humbled and uncertain as he had in the last week or so. Even now, when Elliot was listening to Cameron spaz and freak out and panic, he was holding back his own personal emotions, in hopes that he could help Cameron with his. Cameron swallowed a choking lump in his throat. With that thought alone, there was no doubt that he was probably doing the same thing for Jacqueline, too.

Now he really felt disgusted with himself.;

Snapping out of thought, Elliot looked back at Cameron with a clear, determined expression etched across his face. “Cameron?”

“…Yeah?”

“Do you still like me? I mean, after all of this, after I’ve hurt you…can you still like me?”

A few days ago, he might have needed a minute for thought, but even then—and even now—there was no doubt that the other boy could still make his chest tighten and his heart flutter, even after all of this. “Yeah,” Cameron breathed, butterflies of both scared and excited breeds swarming in mixed clusters. “…Do you still like me?”

The hand on Cameron’s squeezed once again. The same, stable expression of utmost determination remained on the Elliot's face. “Yeah,” he admitted, the confession sending another wave of restless butterflies right through Cameron, completely overwhelming any lingering nausea with a more pleasant-feeling of anticipation.

Cameron nodded, his mind still sorting through the conflicting emotions of the past twenty minutes. “Okay.”

The chirping crickets filled the silent void. Elliot’s hand remained over Cameron’s, a physical reassurance that he was still there and wasn’t going anywhere. A car—navy blue or maybe even a dark green—drove down the street’s barren road, temporarily filling the dark street with twin beams of gold light. Cameron expected Elliot to withdraw his hand the moment the light passed by them, but to his surprise, he didn’t. The car soon disappeared around a corner, leaving the darkness undisturbed.

When a slight movement close to Cameron’s head caught his eye, he turned his head. The moment he did so, Elliot flung himself back, eyes slightly wide at Cameron’s sudden movement. It only took him a moment to realize what Elliot had been trying to build up the courage to do. And, to Cameron’s surprise, he didn’t mind. He smiled back at Elliot, albeit still nervous, and murmured, “Kiss and make up?”

Elliot’s mouth dropped open a bit, at a loss for words at Cameron’s bluntness. Then, after he’d recovered from the temporary shock, he nodded. Elliot’s swing creaked as he moved closer, the metallic echo ringing in the still air. Cameron’s breath caught in his throat as Elliot drew nearer, his senses filled with nothing but the presence of the other boy. Finally, Cameron closed his eyes and met Elliot halfway in a feather-light kiss.

In the back of Cameron’s mind, he couldn’t help think that there was something renewing about the kiss, something remedying and innocent about it and its gentle warmth.

When they both pulled back for air, they fell into a humble silence. Unable to help himself, a few awkward chuckles escaped Cameron’s throat. A soft, tiny smile crossed Elliot’s lips, and then he was leaning in again, this time pressing harder against Cameron as he stole his breath away in another kiss. And Cameron willingly caved.

It was almost too easy to lose himself within the moment. He knew that reality was still just that, reality, but it was almost hard to remember as they both became enraptured in a kiss much more mind-numbing than the previous one. Cameron could almost feel the very edge of everything being dulled, as if the ache itself was still there but much more bearable. He was losing himself in Elliot’s warm lips and tangling tongue, and he knew without a doubt that Elliot was losing himself, too.

When they finally parted, both panting lightly and flustered from anything but the cold air, Elliot rested his forehead on Cameron’s, his eyes closing as he slowly regained his breath.

“I really am sorry,” Elliot murmured. “For everything. You didn’t deserve any of it. It won’t happen ever again.”

Cameron nodded slightly. “I believe you.” Feeling himself tense up at the abrupt seriousness, he chuckled and said, “Heh, don’t think that you can kiss all of this away. I don’t care how good of a kisser you are; I’m not going to just get over this.” Sadly enough, while he had been joking around, Cameron could feel a subtle seriousness behind his own words, a seriousness that he wasn’t sure whether he truly agreed to or not anymore.

Whether Elliot caught on or not, he didn’t let it be known. He just nodded, the faintest of smiles gracing his lips. “I know…and thank you for giving me another chance. I won’t let you down.” He raised his head and looked around, light brown eyes rising to meet the nearly black sky. “It’s getting darker and colder out.” He looked back at Cameron. “Want me to walk you home?”

“What, scared I’ll get lost or something?” Cameron lightly teased before shrugging. “Sure, why not.” He couldn’t help but be touched by the thoughtful gesture. Elliot was just full chivalrous suggestions now. “In a minute, though,” Cameron added in a quiet voice. “I know this will probably sound selfish, but…could we just sit here? Just for a minute?”

Elliot gazed at Cameron, and seeming to understand the unspoken reason why, nodded. “Sure.” He relaxed back on his swing, and although he sat up straight now and no longer leaned on Cameron, his hand was still on Cameron’s, gripping it reassuringly.


~+~+~+~+~+~+~


To Be Continued